Monday Meditation - Back on the Wagon

So like many others I have a New Year's Resolution...however mine started at the beginning of 2012 and only took a few hiatuses over the last 12 months.  With 2013, my resolution is just a renewal - losing the rest of my 75-pound goal.

Right now I am aiming for those last two pounds of my fourth 10-pound goal.  You see the little goals are easier to chew than a big 75 pounds because that is A LOT of weight.  Scary when you think about it. However I have been stuck on these last two-to-three pounds for three months.  I am stuck in a rut and hoping that soon it will be broken.  The rut was mainly caused by me.

At the end of November, I ran my first 10K.  It was great and I was happy to do it and now I am probably going to run a half marathon or 25K by May.  However, the end of November brought postseason soccer and crossover to basketball and has left me with little motivation.  I had a plan for Christmas break though and that was to work out.  It was "harder" than I thought.

You see I like the gym at GVSU.  It is easy to get to a machine, find somewhere to stretch and get a good workout.  There are different options and you can always switch it up when you choose.  Switching it up is key for success.  When I went home, the only gym that I could find for guests was the Community Center...and walking in there was like walking into a retirement community.  I felt very out of place as I ran my three miles and everyone around me was walking at a snail's pace (at least they were walking though).  I didn't end up back at that rec center again which meant my runs that I planned to do were put on hold.  Side note: I realize the great outdoors is an okay place to run, but I hate cold weather.  Despise it actually.  Unless it gets up to 45+ (or 55+ really), you will not find me braving the great outdoors for a jog.

I tried Zumba at a studio and it was great.  It actually made me wish I lived at home so I could do it all the time.  The bad thing is that it was at 9:30 a.m. and I was on break and waking up at 9 a.m. is not what I wanted to do.  I like sleeping until 11 a.m., but fitness classes do not wait.  I planned to go back, but the 9 a.m. wake-up call was just too much. Excuses - I know.

Finally I decided to do some hot yoga at a studio I found.  Seemed legit and worth while, but I was mistaken.  The instructor was dull and non-interactive.  There were maybe six students in there and he tried to use a microphone...that you couldn't hear.  Pretty worthless if you ask me.  I did my poses and was sore for the next two days, but in the end not worth my money or time to drive there.  My final work out was on Saturday, Dec. 22.  It was the morning of my family Christmas party and I did a 20-minute interval work out.  It wasn't the best because I was tired and had no motivation, but at least I did it.

Now here we are at the beginning of the New Year and group fitness classes do not start for another week which means I am my own motivation.  I miss running, I miss being sweaty, but at the same time I like not showering twice a day.  That's my only reason now to not to workout.

My Monday Meditation is that I will get back on the wagon. It may be a slow climb back to the five miles I was running on a regular basis, but it will happen.  I'm only slightly behind.  I can't say that my eating was up to par, but I feel as if it wasn't like it used to be either.  I am getting better everyday and soon I will be to my weight goal.

I need to clear the negative thoughts out of my head (or the Gremlins as my friend Amy likes to call them) and focus on what I am doing and what I am able to do.  If it is 15 minutes here and another 10 later, so be it.

Now on to being the best me I can be. (oh rhyming)

Until tomorrow,
-A

P.S. I am going to try to get this blog back rolling again.  Hoping school and work do not make that difficult.

Meditation Monday: Pressure

Today is Meditation Monday and lately I have been in a very contemplative mood.  I think I talked about this last week.  It has definitely poured over into this week and thankfully I have my parents and a couple specific friends that will listen to me no matter what comes out of my mouth/brain.

I wanted to focus on pressure this week, specifically the pressure that I put on myself to do well.  This pressure has turned into self-doubt and a little bit of self-consciousness.  You see last week I only worked out on two days plus my race on Saturday and I feel REALLY bad for this.  In reality I should be congratulating myself on what I have accomplished.

However, sometimes, even if it's not intended Weight Watchers makes you feel bad.  And its not really their fault, but seeing a gain even thought you know you did everything right really kicks you in the ass.  On the other hand, if you lose and you know you ate like crap and really didn't track like you should have, it's like a slighted victory.

I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself.  I am not going to gain all 35 pounds back in one week.  I need to understand that no one is perfect and slip-ups are bound to happen.  I have changed my life for the better, but I will still make mistakes.  The reason I know this is because I want to work out and sometimes my body is just too sore, worn down, exhausted, etc. to get through it.  Before I didn't care whether or not I missed a run or a yoga class.  The change in my mindset is what is going to get me to my eventual goal.

Sometimes we need to listen to our body and just be.  I know right now that I am fighting off a cold and I think still winning the battle and I am tired.  I went to bed last night at around 10:30 p.m., completely forgot to set an alarm and woke up at 8:15 in the morning.  Just physically exhausted.  I really wanted to get a run in today, but I think I am going to stick to a yoga class.  I am also being mindful of what I am eating this week and paying closer attention.

I can still have my days where I just want to eat pizza or chicken tenders and fries, but at the end of the week, if I can say I had five to six successful days of eating, I will call it a win.

The pressure I put on myself is sometimes unbearable and it stems from not wanting to disappoint others.  At the end of the day though, it is my body and not others.  My expectations have to come from within and my actions have to follow.  One more day of rest is all I need and I will be back to it tomorrow.

Tonight my couch and I will be very good friends again.

Until next time,
-A

Tomorrow: Tuesday Trouble (or maybe it will be a Terrific Tuesday, who knows?)

Meditation Monday: My body

This is my first Meditation Monday which will basically involve a thought or thoughts I have been thinking about throughout the week or even throughout this whole weight loss.  So this week I have been thinking about my body.

The body is an amazing thing...Like the creepy guy in Saw V said: "The human body, for instance, is an astoundingly durable creation. It contains approximately ten pints of blood. Yet it is still able to operate with just half of that."

Well I hope to not be operating on minimal pints of blood, but my body has amazed me over these  last few months. 

First of all, it can keep going.  I started training for a 5K race back in January and have now ran six since then plus two obstacle-type runs.   The most challenging was definitely the Warrior Dash. It showed me that I am strong and be even stronger when I lose some more weight and build muscle.

After I got back from my vacations this summer, I began training for a 10K.  I can honestly say that never in my life, even at my fittest back in high school, would I imagine running 6.2 miles. We shall see how it goes at the Turkey Trot in 42 days.

The second thing about my body is that even though it changes it stays the same.  I have lost 36 pounds and on most people's body it would be two or maybe three sizes down, but not me.  I have always had big legs and a big butt (Thanks mom's side) because of soccer, skating and gymnastics.  So despite losing weight, I still have curves and I still have big legs.

My final thought about my body is how much I like it.  I have had my fair share of body image issues, not liking how I looked, but surprising I always liked it. It may bother me that I have big legs, but they keep me upright.  Plus it runs well, if that makes sense.  I don't ever have that many issues with it except for the occasional ache and pain, and possibly a cold here and there.  My stomach is extremely strong and not easily upset, I am flexible and besides my vision, everything is in working order.  Funny how when we think about our bodies we always look to the outside.

In my mind, I am beautiful.  Even when I was heavier I thought I was beautiful and made others believe it.  My body is now even better and I hope it keeps getting better because its the only one I have (cliche I know).

Until Trouble Tuesday,
-A