Meditation Monday: Pressure

Today is Meditation Monday and lately I have been in a very contemplative mood.  I think I talked about this last week.  It has definitely poured over into this week and thankfully I have my parents and a couple specific friends that will listen to me no matter what comes out of my mouth/brain.

I wanted to focus on pressure this week, specifically the pressure that I put on myself to do well.  This pressure has turned into self-doubt and a little bit of self-consciousness.  You see last week I only worked out on two days plus my race on Saturday and I feel REALLY bad for this.  In reality I should be congratulating myself on what I have accomplished.

However, sometimes, even if it's not intended Weight Watchers makes you feel bad.  And its not really their fault, but seeing a gain even thought you know you did everything right really kicks you in the ass.  On the other hand, if you lose and you know you ate like crap and really didn't track like you should have, it's like a slighted victory.

I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself.  I am not going to gain all 35 pounds back in one week.  I need to understand that no one is perfect and slip-ups are bound to happen.  I have changed my life for the better, but I will still make mistakes.  The reason I know this is because I want to work out and sometimes my body is just too sore, worn down, exhausted, etc. to get through it.  Before I didn't care whether or not I missed a run or a yoga class.  The change in my mindset is what is going to get me to my eventual goal.

Sometimes we need to listen to our body and just be.  I know right now that I am fighting off a cold and I think still winning the battle and I am tired.  I went to bed last night at around 10:30 p.m., completely forgot to set an alarm and woke up at 8:15 in the morning.  Just physically exhausted.  I really wanted to get a run in today, but I think I am going to stick to a yoga class.  I am also being mindful of what I am eating this week and paying closer attention.

I can still have my days where I just want to eat pizza or chicken tenders and fries, but at the end of the week, if I can say I had five to six successful days of eating, I will call it a win.

The pressure I put on myself is sometimes unbearable and it stems from not wanting to disappoint others.  At the end of the day though, it is my body and not others.  My expectations have to come from within and my actions have to follow.  One more day of rest is all I need and I will be back to it tomorrow.

Tonight my couch and I will be very good friends again.

Until next time,
-A

Tomorrow: Tuesday Trouble (or maybe it will be a Terrific Tuesday, who knows?)

Weight Watcher Wednesdays

I weighed in yesterday and I was up 0.6 pounds.  Nope that is not a lot.  It could have been my food not fully digested, extra water, etc. but I do not like a gain.  You see in my first 16+ weeks in weight watchers I did not gain a single time...not even when I really thought I was going to.  It wasn't until I hit 30 pounds that I started doing this up and down thing.  Oh and summer...summer didn't help at all.

Part of me wants to chock it up to say that this is the weight I am "supposed" to be.  However that cannot be true because I am still considered overweight, teetering on obese, on most medical charts.  Plus it isn't where I want to be...I want to get to 50 pounds gone...heck I hope I can reach the long term of 75! So back to the drawing board I go.

I finally realized that I need to switch up my work out (eek) and go back to square one of eating.  It doesn't mean I can't eat out, but I have got to stop wanting bad-for-me food.  If you read yesterday's blog, Trouble Tuesdays, you read how I love food and especially food that is not cooked by me.  It must be something about the greasy kitchen in which other food is cooked in that gives it a delicious taste.

Any who, my willpower in the beginning was as strong as an ox...and I would say now it has dwindled down to as strong as a goat?  Are those comparable?  I mean I know goats are strong and can eat just about anything. Kind of sounds like me, don't you think?  I need to get my will power back and say "Not right now" to that Taco Bell trip or "I will be able to eat you soon" chicken nuggets.  If I remember that I can have those food items again, just not right now while I get the weight loss working again, maybe I will be better at holding off when the time comes.

Weight Watchers has taught me a lot about myself.  I really didn't think I would enjoy the meetings, but when you hear groups of people constantly going through what you are and understanding you, it is great.  I don't think I would have been as successful as I have been if I just did it online.  THAT would have taken the strength of an iron wall.

Back to the beginning of my week and I already ate a lot of food (Thanks Famous Dave's), but it was one day and I am not throwing away a whole week.  On a very good note though, I am still averaging a loss of 0.9 pounds per week and I have an AWESOME downward heading graph.

On that note I think I am going to go for a walk because it is gorgeous out.

Hopefully next Wednesday I will be able to report a wonderful loss.

Tomorrow: Thankful Thursday...what will it be this week?
Until then,
-A